Friday, July 13, 2007

Mai said in her blog that she wanna go BACKPACKING around the world. I want to go on such a journey too. If I really go backpacking, I will choose countries that are exotic like Egypt or Africa as I'm seriously in need to embark on a journey of self-discovery. No joke.

So MAI, please ask me along~

.*.

Recently, my nights are plaqued with dreams and I am never really asleep these few days. The brain must be overworking, conjuring images even when I'm asleep. I hate frequent dreams, as they divided the attention I require for my sleep. I have been seriously deprived of sleep even though I slept at 8pm last night.

I tried driving the depression away with sleep but I failed when I woke up feeling as lousy as I'd been the previous night. So, I skipped my MGEN lecture this morning and strolled to school like I had no lessons at all. I went to the Level7@Library, exhilarated to find it empty and it wasn't everyday to have a wide selection of seats. After taking my seat near the design shelves, I started pouring out my woes on a particularly blank paper. To who then? To God of course.

I was interuppted when Desmond and his classmates came. I carefully kept the paper into my file before he reached the table. I guess I appeared lackadaisical and cold to him purely because he had to repeat his questions a few times before I could cough out the correct answer. It's too early in the morning and my insides are still aching unfathomably. The situation was awkward then when I look back right now.

So I just want to say sorry because I wasn't in the right state of mind early in the morning.

Minutes later, the rest appeared and the letter wasn't finished right till this very moment. The day was okay because I kept most of my thoughts and opinions within. I thought I wasn't so vocal today.

There are ludicrous stuff that happened today, making me think how nice it would be if people can start treasuring their friends more. There's a limit to an individual's tolerance and it would be good to keep your feet off that line. You woudn't like the outcome if you push the trigger, seriously.

The chat over MSN with Melissa makes things a tad better. Thank You Lots man~~ =)

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I suck at being a friend. I suck at being a good family member. And I suck at being a group member. Now I don't even know what people expect from me. I'm lost. Don't know what to do. Don't know who to be. Don't know where's the limit to my tolerance. Don't know how to make it right. Don't know when it'll all end. It's that phase of doubt in myself, and people around me. And now I understand, it hurts when your efforts get denied so completely, but it hurts even more when your pain can't be released in the form of tears. Next time, I won't be like this again.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

The rain earlier in the morning is making my head ache like nobody's business. Saturday is almost gone with nothing done except the retail and gourmet therapy with sis. It's a good way to de-stress, to remove all the strains last week had put upon me. Last week was a mad rush to get projects and assignments on the track but there I presumed that that was fun among the craze at least.

School work is indeed building up into a tidal wave and suddenly you realised that you're swamped by the projects that held a good amount of weightage. Home isn't equivalent to rest nowadays and my sleep starts to get 'eventful' with all those weird dreams.

In other words, I'm deprived of rest. The sleep system of my body is going haywire and I can only blame it on the psychological effect school has on me. There's this fear that the alarm clock wouldn't be able to wake me up if I fall into too deep a sleep so I try to keep my conciousness even when I'm sleeping. That sounds like bullshit but it applies to me.

I must replenish my rest by tomorrow in order to keep it going next week. My mind is losing it, same goes to the grip on my motivation. All right, I admit I'm not one to keep my motivation for long but the situation is deteoriating.

Tired Tired Tired Tired~ I guess it's entering exhaustion soon. I need to keep it going until exam finally ends and the holidays are here again. It's just a tough patch in education to overcome and eventually it will be over. I mean, if the seniors can rise above the obstacles, why can't we? Even when the headache is rioting at this very moment.

I really need to get my priorities in order before embarking another assignment. I have to trust myself that I can perform all my responsibility without jeopardizing another. I need to keep it intact.

How nice would it be if our body can thrive without sleep... Well, that's just ridiculous imagination.