Tuesday, May 29, 2007

School today isn't too bad if I exclude the fact that I dashed to 5-6-14 from the bus stop and made it there within 3 minutes. All thanks to TARDY 15.

As usual, PCT is a session where Mr Kok talks and we students drift into dreams... Mr Kok is a patient lecturer that never lost his temper in front of us so I guess that's why we climb all over his head. I reckon he should lose his temper at least once or fly into an unpredictable rage in order to keep our behaviour in check. Other than his sleep-inducing voice, he's good.

Back to the point. Well, I didn't fall asleep during PCT but I wasn't listening either. I was busy drawing and shading an hourglass and I'm rather satisfied with my piece. Next was MGEN tutorial and I dozed off. It was too good a chance to let it pass as I was sitting right at the back and obscured by people in front of me. Haha~

I reached home at 6.30 cos' I STAYED BACK to do revision. I don't even remember staying back in school last semester but well, I did today. Becos' coming home means facing the computer, facing the computer means temptation and this means surrendering, surrendering means play and no work. And hellishly, term test is just next week, can't afford to falter anymore than I did last sem.

I think that's it...

Oh ya, another thing that is really funny and childish happened yesterday & today. I never knew Japheth can be so childish and we were talking about soul-switching between Japheth and Peng Ghee. It's all crap lah...

Okay lah.

Haven done this kind of blog post (as in narrating my one-day life) in a long time but I still prefer my previous blogging style. Haha~

Monday, May 21, 2007

MISS. UNDERSTOOD

This is what I currently am, people think what they think of me.

MELISSA. HUIYING. PEIQUAN.

Shit. I'm missing them so terribly now. But due to separate paths, it's so DIFFICULT to meet up.

SCHOOL. TUITION. FAMILY.

Responsibilities galore and they're testing the strength of my shoulders.

RELIANCE.

Don't give me this, please and thank you.

COMPETITIVENESS. ANNOYANCE. PLAIN-'SIAN'NESS.

Trying to eliminate this potential emotional & mental pathogens.

VERY IRRITATING PEOPLE.

Hoping fervently that they will stay out of my path.

UNAPPROACHABLE. PROUD. BITTER.

I'm none of above.

STOP TALKING.

That's what I hope I can achieve, and some others too.

NOT AS SMART AS YOU THINK I AM.

Serious.

LUCK.

People believe in that and they just forgot to believe in themselves.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sheesh... I'm developing a bad habit of talking and singing(awfully) to myself whenever I'm walking that track to that the shuttle bus or when I'm walking home - alone of course. I guess this helps in unnerving your stressed-up senses but man, I should really keep in mind to keep my talking down to mumbles cos' I don't want to be seen as a case of lunancy.

This habit isn't half as bad as another habit I have recently gravitated towards, which is my tendency to be very late for MGEN lectures early in the morning and my tendency to tune out whatever 'nie-nie' said during the lecture. Not a single thing got thru' to my skull for the 3 hours of lecture for the past days. Great, exactly like Cell Bio last semester.

I'm going to try really really hard to be punctual, listen to 'Nie-Nie''s lectures and take down notes. I had already paid my fullest attention in PCT for 2 hours straight today so why can't I do the same for MGEN? But seriously, 'Nie-Nie' is of a totally different level from KOK, whom I thought was boring enough. Lol.

So, all the quizzes and assignments have started rolling in. Not very much but it's going to become a TIDAL wave from a small wave soon. The quizzes so far are okay, not too much complaints about it. And well, CSAS BG oral is next week and we happened to be the first group. Hurhur. On the bright side, we get to get over and done with FIRST.

WHATEVER.

Did I say that I'm starting to get addicted to Mind-Maps? In the sense that I enjoy making it, even when it takes up a hell lot of time. I had done like 5 Mind-Maps in the last two days and I'm currently on my sixth. Back to using color pencils and drawing nonsensical stuff to help me remember. Believe it or not, its useful. Bravo to TONY BUZAN!!!

I'll post the pic of my maps online maybe on my next post and yeah, I'm proud of it. Haha.

Am now trying to be more disciplined in my studies cos' I don't wanna repeat the situations I found myself in during the exam period. Situations whereby I slept only 2-3hours everyday for a week just so that I can finish studying just before the exam. I remember how I was completely KNOCKED OUT for 15 hours after exam ended. Though this kind of situations was due to CNY and my uncle's demise.

Next: Sometimes, I catch myself in my own impatience, bluntness and selfishness so I'm seriously sorry to those who (or think) tasted these for no apparent reasons. Control control - keep my mood light. Though sometimes it ain't easy because of who I am.

I have already forgave those who made me pissed, in my heart. I won't forget what they had done, I'll just not remember. =) Forgiveness is a tough lesson but yet it's a greatest virtue. For me, it's tougher to forgive one self than to forgive others. So yeah, if he happens to read this, please know that I'm not angry anymore.

By the way, I watched Spidey3 last sat and its good, though not as good as part 2. Happy that part2 will be aired this sunday! Weet~!

OKAY THEN. I GOTTA RUN.

PCT~~~

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

So, Josh was back 2 weeks ago from his 4 months UK exchange trip and I only got to know it when he smsed me today. And Matt actually told me last wednesday that Josh is going to spend another 2 months there. This contradiction is so dumb. What are they trying to hide from me? I guess Matt set the supposed 'date of return' too late and Josh just can't wait. Looks like their chemistry of their friendship is deteoriating and I'm watching with sarcasm. There was no way Matt could have gotten the date wrong. Because they are the best of buddies. They must be in it together. Seems like I'm the only one whose getting over all that had happened in the past and Josh still seemed intent on avoiding. I'm still the foolish one who thinks that we can still be friends but apparently that isn't so. Matt is just caught in the middle so I'm not blaming him. But please be honest with me next time. And Joshua, I'm so disappointed in you. I thought you are braver than that.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

CAROLINE~ is a contented girl today. (Yes, my mood swung again)

I found a ultra-cool website today with all the BleachManga and Anime. Although the speed of Anime download is painstakingly slow (it took me 2hrs ++ for one episode), the speed of Manga download is pretty acceptable. Visit the link under [RealityLapse] on your left hand side if you want Bleach.

Okay, I'm doing illegal stuff I know but seriously, I will go broke buying all the sets of Bleach. It's unlike SAIYUKI whereby the author herself take a MONTH to complete 1 chapter, resulting in very few volumes of both the manga and the anime. But still, despite Kazuya's tardiness, Bleach is only second to Saiyuki (my official No. 1). Ha.

Poor computer, it's going to be burdened. But me being not so greedy, I've decided I won't be d-ling the BOUNTO arc. It's a waste of space. 'rite, I'm going back to my crime. Shall update soon.

Before I go, here's a cute Bleach gif I snatched from Mosheque. Bye for now.

It is supposed to be moving but I guess blogger is disallowing that. *sigh* By the way, it's Ichigo and some other captains (all guys, I noticed) of the Gotei 13.

Friday, May 04, 2007

The mind is clutter and the heart is heavy, but the soul feels empty. Among hundreds of other souls, this soul will be the dimmest. It is losing its light and soon, it will be just a dull shapeless mist. Feed this soul, please. Save it. Don't let it continue the fall down that bottomless pit called depression and destruction.

It's easy to feel depressed and shagged nowadays. And unsurprisingly, those thoughts of self-doubts always popped up from nowhere when I am with people. I don't know, humans just have this unspoken ability to make others of the same species feel insecure. I've always feel that I'm my best company (and still do think so) but recently, I love to be on my own increasingly so.

I'm frightened, because I could somehow forsee that one day, this will be my mentality: "I'm good on my own, I don't need friends and I don't need a lover."

Imagine when that day arrives. I can feel it coming closer and closer because just a day or two back, after I did my FPATH online discussion with my fellow groupmates, I thought 'Wouldn't it be better if I can do the assignment on my own?'.

I shudder at that thought when I thought back on it now. I'm afraid that one day, I will start feeling that my friends are my burden and I don't want that to happen.

All this has stemmed from the insecurity that I have buried at the core of my heart and once in a while, this insecurity will go rampant. 'They can do without me.' This thought makes me go numb inside and this was what ran through my head today.

There's no way I'm going to allow all the thoughts I'd mentioned above manifest, creating a dark hole within me.

JUST NO WAY.

I will fight these evil thoughts away, no matter what I'd to do, no matter how positive I'd to look. I love my friends and I really like helping them in the academic area.

NOT NOW, NOT EVER.

They are just what FRIENDS are all about and should be about. I just need them to feel the same way too. That alone is enough. So, no more of those negative thoughts. Get it, Caroline?

AND WHAT'S HERE WILL REMAIN HERE. DON'T GO AROUND BROADCASTING IT.

Though still, the one thing that will never change is that: I still need my solitude, every once in while. Please respect that.

Okay, I feel much better after vomiting all these out.

For my friends, learn to be independent in all areas but if you fail, I promise my helping hand will always be there. So no worries. =)

Don't rely on me, cos' you'll never know when I'll crumble.

-*-

BLEACH 124

All right! Just finished watching BLEACH 124 and well, it left me hanging on the cliff again. Right, I've read the manga and know what's going to happen but watching an anime is different from reading a still book. Agree?

Anyway, I think the white Ichigo(who claims to be Zangetsu) is manical but cool, better than the real ichigo who's always brooding about not being able to protect people around him. I like it when Rukia knocked some sense into him in the earlier part.

This episode is on the whole interesting and the vizards that went battling the half-hollow Ichigo practically kick asses too. I think one is called Lisa but I forgot how to spell another.

But the problem with this episode is that I don't know why Kariya came out as part of Ichigo's 'dream'. To tell the truth, I never got around to watch the BOUNTO ARC cos' I think its pretty lame after a few episodes.

I think that's that. Anticipating the second visit from the Arrancar cos' Hitsugaya is going to kick some ass. Hurhur.