Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Many times these days I felt DEATH knocking on my door oh-so often, especially when I'm alone and lonely. DEATH is like a silvery wisp that you can never grab hold off and if it wants you, then you have to go with it. In face of DEATH, I am afraid. It's that kind of FEAR that makes your knees go wobbly and churn everything in your stomach. DEATH reminds me of those things I have yet done, it reminds me of all the wishes I have yet accomplished. The thought of leaving this world without doing anything significant is scary and disappointing.

DEATH isn't something you can just brush off like a speck of dust, although it's a stage you have to reach someday. You can speak easily of it, "DEATH is nothing.". But it fact, when you look into its eyes and stare, you realised that all the while, you're just avoiding it. Majority of the people have no COURAGE to face it and to accept that the reaper has come for you.

In face of DEATH, I'm a coward cos' I don't know where I will go to and I won't know what to say when I meet God. So God, please don't take me home this soon. Just let whatever I'm worried about be part of my foolish imagination. Let my faith shine through whatever I do.

No people, I ain't thinking too much when I write this passage. I gave my current life a deep thought and obviously, working makes me pessimistic. The working life has proven itself to be very much a bitch. HURHUR...

And I think my DAD is giving the FAMILY a very big HEADACHE right now.

And it makes me angry cum frustrated to think about it.

ARGGHH!!! (just shuddup)

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It will be fine, just like how the problems we had encountered had eventually straightened themselves out. There was this boy named Ollie. He is the strength that kept me going when I got mentally tired of those matters that kept my hands full. His passion for life could put even the adults to shame. His passion still burns, as wildly as could be, despite all those malicious illnesses that threatened to end his life, that caused him such pain.

Never once had he thought of giving up. He willed the soul in his 5 year-old body to fight every obstacles square on. Because of someone like him existing on this world, I could get the courage to move on even when the odds were against me. He's a brave young boy and I could be brave because of him.

I grew up in a family whereby the amount of women dominates over the men. My mum and my sis are strong women, the kind that rarely broke down, and hence I got influenced by them and got strong too. They dealt with their problems bravely and taking their example, I tried to solve dilemmas on my own, occasionally seeking help from God. That was why I guess my walk with God isn't intimate.

Recently, I'm missing quite some people rather badly. Now that I have a job on my hand, I couldn't afford the luxury of going out with these people. I think I understand the loneliness adults face when they get surrounded by work most of the time, not knowing what they were working towards to. In life, it is important to have a target, a goal to keep yourself going. We are given life so that we can live it, not just while them away.

I think when I grow older and look back at this stage of my life, I will regret leaving this phase rather empty. How many times had I backed off just because I thought that chance will present itself in front of me again? How many times had I gave up because I reckoned it is too tough for me?

Many many times.

And I also let YOU slipped pass me by not holding on, by being stubborn.

From now on, I will live my life. I will learn as much as I can and I will have as much fun as I can. No more leaving the pages of my chapter blank. If need be, I will even be more sociable than I am currently (though I don't like it).

We'll see.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Something is terribly wrong with him. What happened to his fluency in words that he used to show in his every sentence? All I could hear now is SILENCE.That kind of silence that burden your heart. I shouldn't be worried about him. I ain't supposed to. But its not as if I could control.

I hope that his orginal self will be back soon and one day, he would tell me what exactly had happened to him. I won't force an answer out of him cos' when he's ready, he will eventually say. I want to see his confidence seeping back again, even if it's bit by bit.

7 weeks deprived of communication between us and he changed. Sorry for being such a lousy friend.

My exams were over on Wednesday and ever since then, I had been slacking at home. It's good cos' I seriously need rest from all the mental strain I had suffered during that exam period. Anyway, I know I'm not going to do so well for the exam this time round. Too many distractions and problems ringing now and then.

But since it is over, just let it be. Next time, I will do better when I'm in a better condition than I am now. But nobody believes me when I say I won't do well. How come?

Have been playing 'Sims 2' these few days and currently I have the urge to buy the expansion pack. Maybe I can buy if I can get the job at my Aunt's place. Just leave it to GOD and have FAITH.

If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you.

I want to go out to see the world (actually just S'pore) during this holiday and find out places where I never knew existed in Singapore. Anybody interested to join? Haha...

OkaY. I hope everyone have a fulfilling and fun holiday ahead of you. =)

And I hope he is okay, for everyone's sake.

I've made an important promise. Now, I just have to keep it and work towards it.