Friday, June 30, 2006

Caroline is far too much a complacent girl.

She doesn't make full use of her the brains God had bestowed on her.

She takes everything too easily.

That's why her term test results isn't up to her expections.

She didn't try hard enough.

She's a lil' disappointed.

She told herself to 'Take things more seriously."

But she didn't want to compete.

Afterall, it's for herself, not for anybody else.

She gave herself time to recuperate from the minor disappointment.

She gave herself time to think things thru'.

She gave herself time to eliminate her competitive mentaliy.

She gave herself time to cancel away her careless trait.

And now, she has bounced back onto the track.

=)

Thursday, June 29, 2006

It's just another typical day in school with a lil' laughter, a lil' comtemplation and a lil' surprise. However, this week isn't 'just another week'. It made me believed that a person can change, in terms of mentality, within such a short time. All in all, this week have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions even though there's still 2 days till the end of it.

I'm so much stronger than I'd expected myself to be. No tears fell even when I heard the bad news cos' I believe that he is strong enough to overcome whatever that lays in front of him. Even if he isn't strong enough, we'll be there, pushing him up. I will always be the collected girl.

The outing with the girls on Tuesday was tiring but quite fun. In the end, I bought 2 shirts from I.P zone and they cost $22 bucks. Because of this, I didn't spend too much money yesterday and today. I told you, I need to watch how I spent my money from today onwards and I reckon I'm handling quite well.

I think my the mutual understanding among my family members got deeper because of what happened to my Dad and I'm really happy about it.

Oh gosh...I just realised how much I had to write but I feel like writing no more. So I guess I'll just stop here, my life isn't really that interesting anyway.

Ha ha.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

One of the rare good things about tidying up my room is the playback of an onslaught of memories in my mind, whenever I come across things that are so sentimental.

If there are batteries in my digicam right now, I would have taken down those stuffs that hold so much value.

I spent an hour in my 'sparkling' bedroom yesterday, just thinking and thinking - of the good things of course. There's a little tug in my heart throughout the whole process but I don't really know what is it all about. Maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's reminiscence or maybe it's realisation. I don't really know.

But I do know, it's really great to have those friends of mine and I'm kind of disappointed that we haven't meet up for ages. Then, some of them rang me up and I realised that I'm not yet forgotten. This process is tears-inducing but since I'm Caroline, I didn't cry.

From Melissa's soft toys to Peiquan's b'dae magnets, from Yiting's pencil case to Serena's cards and from primary school's photos to secondary school's pictures, everything just mean so much to me. Who need boys when you have friends like them? Haha~

Somehow, I know these friendships are built on trust and understanding, that's why they are so long-lasting. I must have done something good in my past life to be blessed with friends like that but right now, I just miss the times we spent together.

I hope to see them soon. I want to go for lunch or dinner with Melissa, it's always a joy to have her around in meals cos' in front of her, I don't have to hold my appetite back. I want to catch up with Peiquan but I'm expecting moments of silence between us. But, these moments are not of awkwardness but of sheer understanding that we'll be there for each other, without the need of words. I want to go out with Serena too. Did I mention that she has already been my friend for 8 long years? As for Yiting, I want to pay another visit to her house. Lol...

I may not have an exactly colourful life and I don't really need one. I prefer a simpler life and be a simpler person. However, life still has their own complications. Again, because I'm Caroline, I don't avoid or escape from those obstacles life has given me. With my friends, facing these problems are so much easier.

I hope I can go out with them soon.

But in the meanwhile, I guess I gotta be patient.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Life itself is an irony.

People say 'Time heals all wounds." but why do some say "Absence makes the heart fonder."?

When you're surrounded by people, does it mean that you're not lonely?

You say you love a person, but why hurt them with your actions or your behaviour?

You may be smart, but not necessarily wise.

They say brains are more important than looks but in reality, why is it always the other way round.

You think you're strong but why do you cry?

You want to be 'this' but yet you're doing 'that'.

My life is an irony too.

I'm such a talented fool.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Lately, I'd been frequenting the hospital to visit my sick Dad who had just underwent an operation. It's really heartening to see him get better day by day and from mumbling to speaking to us, it's a positive change. He's still in the ICU but I'm sure he will be fine at the end of the day. Haha...

I should really ban myself from the computer. Surfing the net and playing the sims is taking far too much of my time and I can set aside no time to clean up my messy-beyond-words bedroom and the house. Okay, I shall roll up my sleeves and do some housework when I get back home later.

You know, still gotta visit my Dad.

From now onwards, I should really keep a watch on how I spend my money for I need to be financially independent for the next two months or so. Maybe I shouldn't get that pair of converse shoes so soon but then again, it's the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!

Oh nevermind.

Control. Control.

I wonder what's happening with most of the teenagers nowadays and no, I'm not speaking about myself. Why do they get so easily depressed over a some worthless matters that doesn't decide if they live or they die?

Happiness is not a destination, it is a choice.

I'm happy because I want to be, not because there's something making me happy. True, there are certain things that depress me yet I find no need to mull over it and get more depressed than I am now. Life is finite and priceless, live it happily.

The obstacles that laced your life are just to make you stronger as a person, not to make you crumble and fall. Remember : 'What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger'.

In the end, you will be okay.

Just like as always.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Something is wrong.

Something is seriously wrong.

Something is seriously wrong with my HAIR!

I can no longer tie it so easily, I can no longer sweep my fringe to one side and ask it to stay there and it is really irritating me. My hair had gotten so dry after the onset of my fever and no amount of shampooing could help.

Or is it that my hair is growing longer? I think so too. I should cut my fringe before school reopens. I really dislike my hair now and I have the urge to shave it bald, but no, now isn't the time to do so. With this kind of hair, how to go out and play?

My tresses only know how to distress me. I've already accepted the fact that the quality of my hair isn't as fine as my sis or is it as straight as some of my friends (in fact, it is till the point of being curly) but why is it so difficult to manage my hair now? Ahhh!

NO REBONDING. NO WAY.

I'm all against it. Straightening, probably.

Tomorrow, AF13 will be having a class outing, which is ice-skating centered. Truth be told, I have quite an 'experience' when I did ice-skating in the past and I'm not too keen to 're-experience" again. I can still vividly remember how I struggled with the skates on and off ice and how I can only move backwards and not forwards.

So tomorrow, I think I'll probably be giving it a miss. Depends lar... See how I feel when I wake up in the morning lol. Besides, the ICE RINK is real far and I'm one lazy a**.

Now what? Hmm...

2 weeks of holidays, 1/2 a week is already spent getting sick. What should I do on the other days? I wanted to head town so badly so that I can get my stuff. Maybe I should ring some of my friends up and see what they are up to. Cancel away those that went JC from the list, they are having exams so a BIG nono.

Okay lah, the rest of the week arh... maybe watch TV/VCDs, surf net, sleep and study. I'm a good student.

What a colourful life! [ha ha ha]

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Violent coughing fits.

Intense headache.

Nose with never-ending amount of mucous.

Fever that came and went before visiting me again.

Eyes that I rather close it.

Conclusion: I'm SICK.

For 3 freaking days.

What a good way to kick start my term break.

HA HA.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I hate to admit it but I am intimidated by the abstract concept of Biochem. Tomorrow is the paper and I can't seem to focus and get those theories into my head. Tell me now, what should I do?

Study? I wish I could. I feel like giving up but no matter how much I grumble, I knew I have to study. Persevere, Caroline, persevere. I'm officially blacklisting biochem and the lecturer, haha~ But no way, I have to study, I have to do well. Even if I don't, I've already tried my best so no regrets.

The papers so far are so-so. The worst will be HAP (excluding CSAS) because I wrote crap okay. Sometimes I really hate my carelessness but yet again, that's a trait that defines me.

Biotech really isn't an easy course, no wonder so little people graduated. But there's no reason for me to not do well. Just take one thing at a time lah and push the thoughts of competing with others away! The greatest competitor? It's myself.

The rest? They are the ones motivating me to do my best.

What an attitude. LOL.

Monday, June 05, 2006

I feel that I'm a bad daughter today. Kicked a fuss out of a minor matter. Probably due to the stress of not being able to solve a maths problem despite all the thinking. I should have said sorry and yet, I didn't. I shall say it now.

"Mum and Dad, I'm sorry."

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Nobody had said that this will be easy.

But no one had said it will be this difficult either.

No matter what, just move on.

Despite the scary doubts.

And despite the overwhelming fatigue.

Just carry on.

In the end, nothing will ever change.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Everytime I was about to break down, I gathered my thoughts back into my mind before I really did break down from stress. There were a few times in which I failed and I cried a lot but in the end, everything turned out to be fine. Just a little problem, nothing more, nothing less.

Today, I felt that I didn't really belong to TP and everything went all wrong for me. I reflected a lot today but then, in the end I decided that since I can change nothing about the past, why don't I just be me? Maybe I should and yet sometimes I find myself blindly following others.

Contradicting but I shan't worry over that, for now at least.

It feels weird to see people crumbling under the stress piled on their shoulders. I don't even know what I'm feeling when I see them, one by one, on the verge of breaking down. I see and I think, when will it be my turn? And I never found the answer. It's tough to keep myself sane but anyway, I'm always trying to be positive, mentally strong and cheerful in front of the others.

Guys in the class were exceptionally quiet today due to the term test that is just NEXT week. All pressurized by the tons of lecture notes and the sarcasm from those lecturers helped nothing at all.

Just wanna say, since our seniors had survived from the Year 1 stress, we will most definitely survive too. Be strong and face all your problems/pressure bravely. At the end of the day, everything will be fine and even when it doesn't, it's not the end of the world.