Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I finally understand how being suffocated feels like.


Depressed for the first time in ages... Should I cry or feel happy that life had finally let me taste bitterness in my 16 years of existence.


Don't know why but I'm really unhappy for the past few days. Felt like I'm trapped in my own thoughts and losing my sanity. The boredom is getting to me, I reckon. Tired, really.


I should get out onto the streets soon and get a little of the sun, if not I will really vomit. I'm already feeling nauseous spending so much time at home.


Just give me a few more days and I'll be back to the "Caroline" I know.


Hope so.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Everyone seems to be so busy with their work such that they have no time to spare me with. My friends are busy with their JC life or with their jobs that I feel that I'm forgotten.


Wanna go out with them on weekdays but she is having lessons till early evening. This, I can accept, really. Then I suggest weekends, she told me she need rest. This was the last straw. I thought it would be really easy to set aside a small portion of her time to hang out with their friend.


Work and rest always come before friends eh? I'm hurt.


Then, another her is working almost everyday and I don't even know what is the appropriate day to ask her out. What should I do then? Shitty shit.


I'm already decomposing and I really wonder how soon can I get to see my beloved friends. I'm here, making all the effort but then, they are ignoring it.


I'm angry right at this moment. Stupid JC life. Damn working days. They are driving an increasing distance between me and them. Really DAMN DAMN DAMN.


I need some fresh air away from this home.


I should call another of my friend and ask if she wanna hang out. Bleah.


By the way, this is the 100th post.

Friday, February 17, 2006

This family is splitting up if my dad don't find a job soon.

Oh God.

Wherever you are, please help.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Getting back the results was easy. Deciding where to go was harder. Filling up the form without having a change of heart was the hardest. But finally, I've gotten past the worst part, now that I've successfully fill up everything in the form A.


I'm still pretty adamant about going to poly although my score can secure me a place in the JC, but no, I chose the tougher route that I'm not sure can lead me to a university.


I'm not sure what lies ahead of me but I'm sure that it is up to me to pave my own future whichever path I may take. So yeah, hope that everything goes right for me and I won't regret my choice lah.


Nothing much to say but happy valentine's day to those who happen to read this blog.


Play the game without a plan. Cos' in this way, your opponent can never predict your next move.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Phew... My old self is coming back again. Got my results back today and although i got 6 As, I'm still pretty disappointed with the both of my maths lah... Don't know what happened manz and my sis consoled me by saying that Cambridge marked wrongly. Haha...


My English and Combined Humanities are the only subjects that pulled me down, with a B3 on both and that made my L1R5 11, my L1R4 8. Still not too bad, though.


My mind is really set [such that it won't moved again] to going Poly. My score is a JC score but from the bottom of my heart, I really dislike the whole JC curriculum. Poly is much more practical and it actually connects to the real world, instead of JC where you study, run, study, run and study again.


I'm looking forward to life in Poly which begins in 24th April in TP. Like what I've said previously, I'm taking biomedical science and I think I should be able to get into this course. At least my results are "poor" enough to convince parents and relatives that since I can't get into those JCs I like, Poly is a better route.


Chinese, Science, Dnt = A1
E & A maths, Bio = A2
Eng & Humanities = B3


I tell you, I can't believe that my biology is that good. My bio is always in the C range and if i do any better, it would be in the B part but never in the A. Haha... so unexpected lol...


I think I will find a job before Poly starts. Gotta get rid of the boredom. =p


Superman's not brave. You can't be brave if you're indestructible. It's every day people, like you and me, that are brave knowing we could easily be defeated but still continue forward.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

My stomach is churning and churning and I don't even know what is the cause of it. Whether is it pangs of hunger or anxiousness, I don't know. At first I don't really care about my results one lar cos' my mind is set to going to Poly. But then, my aunties have to spoil it all, yet again.

Sian lar. I know I can get into a JC if I want to and I can probably scrape thru all the subjects if I'm determined enough. However, the problem is, I totally dislike the competitive environment in a JC. It's not enough just to tell yourself, "I'm not going to compete with them" because the fact is that somehow, subconciously you will still have the mind of wanting to be the best.

The ultimate aim of going to a JC and a Poly is the same: going to a university.

They are not the one studying and they'll never ever know the toughness of it, trying to cramp every single information into your brain is already a little beyond impossible. Moreover, in a JC, it takes more than mental determination but also physical strength. The latter I confirm cannot make it.

Right now, I don't even know what I want for my results when it is released tomorrow. A pretty score will be nice to see but if I scored more on the bad side, I would have a good reason to go to a Poly instead of a JC.

I know what I want to do in the future, but I have no idea how to go about attaining it.

Really sux, eh?

Sometimes its not easy being the smart one in the family, the expectations are so heavy on my shoulders.

Monday, February 06, 2006

The life of my family can be recorded into a comedy or compiled in a book of jokes. The amount of sarcasm, the dozens of craziness and relays of arguments can really drive a sane human to insanity.


My mother and father won't stop their squabbles. The three of us had to put up with my sister's moodswings and they had to tolerate with my incessant chatter cum boliao-ness. We are one mad bunch.


The worst a performer can come across is none other my Dad. He's a typical critic who don't enunciate chinese language accurately. Currently, when I'm typing this entry, he is criticising [for god knows how many times] Weilian again lah. My sister and me got so tired of it that we turn a deaf ear to his comments. Poor thing, my father.


4 wishes I will make for my beloved family:


1) I wish that my father will knock some sense into his own words. They are illogical most of the times.


2) I wish that my mother will quit being so tired for the family. [See, I'm such a good daughter!]


3) I wish that my sister can graduate successfully and find the job of her dreams with a good pay so that she can further her studies.


4) I wish that I can be slimmer than I currently am now and that my poly life will be acceptable and that I can accomplish more of my goals and... okay that's more than one wish now. Hehe...


Wanna see how my family looks like? Here you go. Pictures Galore!


This is us.


The ones who created me.



Dad and cousin [Kai Kai]


3rd Aunt and me!


Although she moodswings so frequently, I still love my sis a lot.

O'Levels results are releasing soon and I mean real soon. So may God bless me even though I don't really care how many points I got for my L1R5. Just 'Ping Chang Xin' lah...

Friday, February 03, 2006

I've decided! I will go to Temasek Polytechnic's Applied Science School for my next phase of education no matter how well or how bad I score for my O'levels. I'm going to take Biomedical Science.


Hah...everything becomes so much clearer after seeing where I want to go. This is the first time I considered something so carefully. I decided that I just want to do studies in one area, unlike JC where you've got to take English, Chinese, Maths and blah blah blah...


I might be losing out but I'm still pretty confident that I'm able to go to university after the three years. I would rather spend three year being happier than two years being exhausted.


"I solemnly swear that whatever happens in the future, I will not regret my choice or blame my parents if there's an undesirable outcome."


I did a couple of IQ tests today and my IQ was above average in the range of 126 - 135. Pretty pleased with myself lol... I'm glad that God give me the brains and I promise that I will make good use of it.


And I think I ought to be a little more active in my social life. (-_-'')

Thursday, February 02, 2006

I made my record yesterday. I watched two movies in a day and what's more? I didn't have to pay at all. Cool huh?

The first I watched was "Memoirs of a Geisha". For me, this movie wavered on the boring border cos' it doesn't show much but the life of Sayuri, which, after an hour into the show, I'd no interest to find out. The cinema was pretty empty which meant that it was good. =)

Somemore, the show was way too long and there's no climax to talk about. I knew I wasn't those sophisicated type of person to watch this genre of movie.

The second movie was definitely better. I watched this with my family. Guess what I watched? "Huo Yuan Jia .aka. Fearless". Way better and the way Jet Li fights, speechless. This movie really rocks, especially towards the end when he fights with the Japanese guy. Cool.

What's more, this is the first NC-16 show I'd ever watched. I love this rating cos' this meant that there's no little guys watching and disrupting the whole screening. Haha...

After the movies, I went shopping for a new wallet which I proudly labeled as my new year gift. I loved the wallet. The design is so cool and so full of teenage angst. It cost a full 26 bucks but it was worth it lah. This is how the wallet looks like:







Then, after shopping, I met Pei Quan coincidentally and I parted with my family to take a walk with her. We caught up on bits of our life and she told me about her JC life. To my utmost horror, she told me that swimming was part of the PE curriculum in JC. *wide-eyed with horror*

This, seriously and to a big extent, made me think twice about going to JC. I had a talk with my auntie, my mum and the tenant living in my auntie's house. I out-talked my mum and my aunt about JC. They are not the ones studying, its me me me who have to deal with the stress in JC, not them. At least, the tenant [Jia Wen] encouraged the idea of Poly.

I'm still contemplating but more or less, I'm going to TP's applied science school. If I ever go JC, it would be the worst and longest nightmare ever.